Dear Deconstructing Exvangelical (or whatever description you would prefer),
I promise—I am not interested in telling you what to do or believe. I just want to offer some loving advice from my heart—just a few things to think about.
Please take your time.
Deconstruction (rejection of the faith) is a big decision that could hurt or influence others. It may even be something you yourself regret in the future. I just want to encourage you to slow down.
Please be very honest with yourself.
Alisa Childers, in her book Another Gospel? (which I highly recommend to anyone—whether they’re “deconstructing” or not), tells a story about a girl named “Sarah” who struggled with homosexuality as a Christian. After years of struggle, she called Alisa. This is how Alisa described part of that conversation: “…In the end, she decided that God had made her this way and that it was his will for her to accept this as her identity. I told her I loved her and thanked her for telling me. Just before we hung up, I asked, ‘Sarah…Would you say that you truly believe this is God’s will for your life…or are you just tired of fighting?’ There was a long pause. In almost a whisper, Sarah responded, ‘I’m tired of fighting.’ (Alisa Childers, Another Gospel? A Lifelong Christian Seeks Truth in Response to Progressive Christianity (Carol Stream, IL: Tyndale Elevate, 2020), 52.)
I appreciate Sarah’s honesty. It just shows that sometimes people “deconstruct” in order to give in to their temptations and feelings (i.e., sin).
Please ask yourself whether there are personal issues like that clouding your judgment.
Personal sin—like “Sarah”? Does your deconstruction—deep down—come from a desire to justify something the Bible seems to call a sin? First, make sure the Bible truly calls it a sin. Second, listen to others who have dealt with the same issue (see my next “letter to the Discouraged Believer” for a list of people). Third, give it time—you may feel differently about that desire in the future.
Childhood pain or anger toward parents? Please get help and healing for that pain and anger before you deconstruct your faith.
Parents, pastors, professors couldn’t answer all your questions? Their lack of some answers does not destroy the Christian worldview. Please dig a little deeper.
Please make sure you truly understand the biblical faith.
I’m not questioning your intelligence. It’s very common for people to have an incomplete or false understanding of Christianity—make sure you’re deconstructing the actual faith and the actual Jesus.
Perhaps you just need to do some “selective deconstruction.” I did! I’m an exCatholic, exCharismatic, exLegalist, even an exCalvinist. Those were good “deconstructions”—but they were “selective”—not deconstructing the whole house! Just a little remodeling as I studied more deeply. That’s good and healthy!
Perhaps you grew up in a legalistic environment. Don’t throw the “baby” of biblical Christianity out with the “bathwater” of legalism.
Please be wise and reconsider.
Jesus said, “Everyone then who hears these words of mine and does them will be like a wise man who built his house (life) on the rock. And the rain fell, and the floods came, and the winds blew and beat on that house, but it (his life) did not fall, because it had been founded on the rock. And everyone who hears these words of mine and does not do them will be like a foolish man who built his house on the sand. And the rain fell, and the floods came, and the winds blew and beat against that house, and it fell, and great was the fall of it.” (Matthew 7:24-27, ESV)
The clear promise of Jesus (which I admit requires faith) is that He is the only sure foundation upon which to build a life. You have to have some type of foundation (i.e., foundational truth) on which to build your life. Whatever else you build your life on will only be sand. Your life will fall—according to Jesus—and it will be a tragedy.
Please turn back to Jesus and build your life on His words.
Sincerely,
Shaun
