Dear Devastated Family and Friends of a Deconstructor,
When someone you love—whether a family member or a friend—“deconstructs” their faith, it is painful. Perhaps the deconstructor would say, “It’s my life—why do you care?” We do. You do. This letter is for you.
Be patient.
There’s no such thing as “easy-believism” (that’s a false accusation of those who want to add to “faith alone in Christ alone”). It’s hard to believe that God entered our world, died for the sins of mankind on a Roman cross, rose from the dead, ascended back into heaven and offers eternal life to all who believe.
For many, it takes time and a process—a journey. Be patient with your family member or friend who is struggling to believe, or has even given up on believing.
Be hopeful.
Eternal life is a free gift!! And “faith” is the only condition for receiving the gift of eternal life!
“For the wages of sin is death, but the free gift of God is eternal life in Christ Jesus our Lord.” (Romans 6:23, ESV)
“My sheep hear my voice, and I know them, and they follow me. I give them eternal life, and they will never perish, and no one will snatch them out of my hand. My Father, who has given them to me, is greater than all, and no one is able to snatch them out of the Father’s hand.” (John 10:27–29, ESV)
When a person—even a young child—puts his or her faith in Christ, they are given eternal life. They are miraculously saved forever (thus the word “eternal”) from hell. Lewis Sperry Chafer lists 33 miraculous and unchanging things that God does when a person places their faith in Christ. “The gift” of salvation is freely given and freely received—a gift that will never be taken away. Those who have received it are safe in the Shepherd’s hands. Once saved, always saved is exactly right.
Deconstructors?
But, you may ask, what about those who deconstruct, fall away, or deny the faith?
That denial could very well be temporary. The promise of Scripture is that the Holy Spirit is convicting the world of sin, righteousness and judgment, Jesus promised He will “draw all men to myself” (John 12:32), so we can be sure that our omnipotent God is working to win back our loved ones.
And yes, there will be change of some kind if a person is truly “born again,” but we humans are very limited. That change may not be easy to detect. It may come in the form of guilt, shame, secret beliefs or some other inner struggle that another human being—no matter how spiritual or mature—may never see.
I reject the Calvinist tendency to look at sin and say it proves someone was never saved.
I reject the Arminian tendency to look at sin and say someone lost their salvation.
Life is a long, difficult journey—discipleship is a long, difficult journey! Sometimes all of us get “carnal” (“fleshly”) and look like “people of flesh” (1 Corinthians 3:1). The promise of Jesus is that “whoever hears my word and believes him who sent me has eternal life. He does not come into judgment, but has passed from death to life” (John 5:24, ESV). Notice “has.” At the point in time when a person first believes, they are given “eternal” life.
Again, be hopeful. There is every reason to have hope that even the one who has “fallen away” has received the free gift of eternal life in the past—and that cannot be taken away. Those who have believed (even with a child-like faith) will never face eternal hell again. We don’t earn eternal life, therefore we cannot lose it. “Fallen away” cannot mean they have “fallen away” from their justification. They have “fallen away” from their walk with Christ, from their fellowship with God. If they professed faith at a previous time in their lives, there is every reason to hope they were truly saved.
Consequences?
This does not mean there are no consequences—there are! But hell is not one of them. Sin and disobedience immediately lead to all the emotional, mental, physical and spiritual consequences of trying to be our own gods—people don’t make good gods. And any time we try to live independently of God, there are natural consequences.
The Trinity draws, shines light, pursues, convicts, and watches the horizon for the prodigal—but like a good father, God will do whatever is necessary to correct the wayward child because sin and refusal to acknowledge our Creator is putting ourselves in danger.
So, the Father disciplines His children in love. “Saved” in the New Testament often refers to Christians being “saved” from the temporal discipline or wrath of God through repentance and confession—leading to once again “walking in the Spirit.”
There is also the sin unto death (1 John 5:16; cf., 1 Corinthians 11:30):
“Sometimes a Christian may sin so seriously that God judges that sin with swift physical death: ‘a sin that leads to death.’ Ananias and Sapphira are cases in point (Acts 5:1-11).”* But, not even if God decides to bring them home will they ever face hell as a consequence if at some point they received the free gift of eternal life.
The loss of eternal rewards is also a very real consequence of sin in this life—that is a subject for another time.
Be faithful.
A weak church is part of the reason for deconstructions. We should do evangelism with the same fervor as the Apostles. We should make disciples as though their lives depended on it—and by “we” I mean every believer and every church. Look what Paul wrote about the importance of this:
“Therefore, as you have received Christ Jesus the Lord, so walk in Him, having been firmly rooted and now being built up in Him (the greatest antidote to “deconstruction”!) and established in your faith, just as you were instructed, and overflowing with gratitude. See to it that there is no one who takes you captive through philosophy and empty deception in accordance with human tradition, in accordance with the elementary principles of the world, rather than in accordance with Christ.” (Colossians 2:6–8, NASB 2020)
One of the reasons so many “deconstructions” take place is because we have not done a good job of “rooting and building up.” Those who have not been “established in the faith” are in danger of being “taken captive.” Christians and Churches: Be faithful!
Be diligent in prayer.
Remember that all of us are in spiritual warfare. The Father of Lies is scheming and deceiving and lying and prowling around like a roaring lion looking for someone to devour—do you believe that?
Peter wrote, “Be of sober spirit, be on the alert. Your adversary, the devil, prowls around like a roaring lion, seeking someone to devour. So resist him, firm in your faith…” (1 Peter 5:8–9, NASB 2020).
Stop talking about praying and pray. The most important thing you can do for your “deconstructor” is to turn them over to God in prayer. Set your mind on the things above and trust that God loves your “EXvangelical” infinitely more than you do. Ask God to do miracles. Be prayerful!
Sincerely,
Shaun
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* Zane Hodges, The Bible Knowledge Commentary: An Exposition of the Scriptures, Vol. 2 (Wheaton, IL: Victor Books, 1985), 902.
